Method #2: Strategic Attention Control
Number two: The ultimate power move is withholding your valuable attention. Have you noticed how narcissists consistently perform for an audience? It’s as if they’re on stage 24/7, even the covert ones that hide in plain sight, desperately seeking applause and validation. But here’s what’s truly fascinating: You control something they desperately crave your attention, again, their fuel and supply.
Think about it: Your attention is a precious and finite resource, and narcissists are starving for it. When you realize this, you suddenly hold incredible new power. It’s like having the remote control to their self-worth, and you can choose when to press pause or even just turn it off.
Now, imagine you are in a conversation with a narcissist. They are telling an exaggerated story, waiting for your wide-eyed amazement. But instead of giving them the reaction they’re trying to extract and expect from you, try looking slightly past them, not at the wall behind them, but just off-center enough that they can tell you’re not really that engaged. It’s subtle psychological warfare that immediately makes them uncomfortable but also protects you from further manipulation.
In group settings, this becomes even more powerful. When the narcissist speaks and tries to take control of all the attention, physically angle your body a bit away from them and toward someone else. It’s body language that communicates, “You’re not the most important person here.” Watch as they try increasingly dramatic tactics to regain the spotlight and center stage.
Your phone can become a powerful tool in this defense strategy. When the narcissist is mid-story or showing off about their latest achievement, whether it’s real or, shall we say, a bit enhanced, you just casually glance at your phone, as if something more interesting (which it almost certainly is) just came up. You don’t need to be rude about it, though.
Just show that your attention can be easily diverted from the narcissist. This drives them absolutely up a wall because it contradicts their belief that they’re the most fascinating person in any room. Now, one of the most effective techniques is giving your complete, undivided, and authentic attention to others around you, especially people the narcissist considers beneath them, which is quite a lot.
Make meaningful, real eye contact with others, ask thoughtful follow-up questions about what they say, and genuinely laugh at their jokes, all while the narcissist watches you having an authentic interaction with someone else. They grow increasingly desperate to redirect the spotlight back to themselves. What makes this method so devastating to a narcissist and protects you further is that the narcissist interprets your attention (or lack of it) as confirmation of what they believe is their massive importance to the world.
When you withdraw it, it’s like pulling the foundation out from under their carefully constructed mask and self-image. They don’t just want your attention; they need it to maintain their hugely inflated ego. Here’s what else is powerful about this approach: You don’t have to announce what you’re doing or even explain yourself. There’s no argument to be had.
You are simply redirecting your own valuable, precious, and finite resource of your attention to something that is completely within your right to have agency over. Remember, your attention has tremendous value.
By consciously choosing where to direct it, you’re not just protecting yourself from manipulation; you are actively dismantling the narcissist’s power over you, one diverted gaze and one switched-over authentic conversation at a time.
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