We know that the covert narcissist judges everyone. Believe they are better, and everyone else is below them. So, it should be expected that they do look down on everyone around them. They judge others but do not want to be judged themselves. It’s the same with almost everything else.
The narcissist wants to be the one to dish out but can’t handle it when the tables are turned. We know narcissists can have many different talents or skills, but they use them to aid in their evil desires instead of for the greater good. And today, I want to look at how the covert narcissist uses humor. And when I say humor, I mean having the quality to be amusing or comical.
How do they use this attribute? As usual, covert narcissists think they are so clever and deceptive, so they can use humor to accomplish three main things. But before I get into those three things, I know that not all covert narcissists may use all three, as some are more introverted than others. But they will be guilty of at least one Covert narcissist who can have award-winning smiles and infectious laughter, but their eyes tell a much darker story.
Number 1: Narcissists use humor to win friends and influence people.
Some covert narcissists can be loud, boisterous, or extroverted. They can be the life of the party, and people gravitate towards them mainly because of their charm. But some can also be really entertaining and fun to be around. They know how to make people laugh and, dare I say, even make them feel comfortable.
Covert narcissists want to be worshipped and adored. So, some have realized that being comical is a good way to secure supply. After all, the funny guy can’t be the mean guy. They are usually great storytellers, as the stories are exaggerated for emphasis. It’s all about being the center of attention.
And that’s why they don’t like when other people are like this as well because it takes away from their being able to shine. After all, when someone is funny and entertaining, they are getting the full attention of the audience, all eyes on them. And the narcissist loves this and wants it for themselves.
Covert narcissists love to have people around them who they can feed off of. So, they will use this quality to draw people in and gain their trust. They use humor to charm and deceive people into thinking they are light-hearted and fun. But humor, for these types of covert narcissists, is just another way to gain the supply that they need and manipulate those around them.
Number 2: A covert narcissist would use humor as a bit more destructive.
This is where they use it to devalue their victims in public. They can say and do simple things under the banner of “Oh, I was just playing” or “It was just a joke.” They would humiliate and embarrass their victims under the pretense of it being good fun. They act as if it’s all innocent, but they know their agenda is to get others to laugh and make fun of their victim.
They also know that what they are joking about is something that the victim is insecure about, but they pretend that it’s all innocent. And the victim is usually left broken and hurt that not only the narcissist has chosen to make fun of something they are insecure about, but others joined in as well. The others may not know the true damage they are causing, but that is exactly what the narcissist wants.
Because the covert narcissist’s objective is only to embarrass and hurt their victim. And of course, when placed in a situation like this, most people would want to play along because everyone else is laughing. So, it is natural for them, the victim, to act as if it’s not a big deal either, even though they are hurting inside. But this type of response is what empowers the narcissist to do it again and again and again. I had this done to me once before.
I knew she was a narcissist, so I pulled her aside privately and let her know that I wasn’t happy and didn’t think it was appropriate. And of course, her excuse was that she was just joking and I needed to lighten up. She gave her half-assed apology, then ran back and let the others know that I complained. But she didn’t do it again in front of my face. But she definitely continued belittling me behind my back.
But the point is, nothing a narcissist does is ever innocent. There is always a hidden agenda, and it’s usually not a good one. That’s why; if you know someone is a covert narcissist, do not entertain them in their gossip or in making fun of other people.
Number 3: A covert narcissist uses humor as a cover-up.
They use it to excuse their behavior. Expect this even from those who are not usually the humorous type. Covert narcissists are not perfect, and they do slip up and reveal their darker side to the unsuspecting very often. But they are always gauging our responses to them.
So, if they realize they have just said something that could expose them or something not very favorable about someone else, and the listening party does not agree or take it nicely, they will quickly try and cover it up by saying that they were just joking. They then try to quickly change the conversation to something else. I have experienced narcissists doing this many times.
And their excuse is that they were just being humorous and that they didn’t mean it like that, or that you may have misunderstood, or how dare you think that they actually mean it that way? Or better yet, that you don’t have a sense of humor. They expect that once they say it’s a joke, nothing else should be said of the matter.
Covert narcissists are very deceptive and cannot be trusted. Even humor, they would use to accomplish their evil deeds or mask their evil behaviors. Their eyes are usually not connected with their smiles. Their eyes are usually cold, even lifeless, no matter how big the smile or loud the laughter.
Everything is strategic and planned. Narcissists want to humiliate and devalue others by making them the butt of their jokes. But they would seek to destroy you if you do it to them.
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