Number 3: “I never meant to hurt you.”
This one is not remorse; it is image protection. It is gaslighting because to admit they meant to hurt you would expose the fact that they derive power from your pain. So, instead, what do they do? They act confused, surprised, and innocent. They will insist it was all a misunderstanding. They will shift the narrative so the conversation becomes about how you took things too personally, or how they were just under stress, or how their intentions were good.
But if you look closely, you will realize the pattern never changes. They always “accidentally” forget the one day that matters most, and they always “accidentally” find new ways to silence, humiliate, or provoke you when you try to hold them accountable.
This is not a string of unfortunate mistakes; this is calculated harm, which is masked as clumsiness, and it keeps the trauma bond alive by confusing your instincts. You feel hurt, but they claim innocence, so what do you do? You stay, hoping the next time will be different, but it never is.
Number 4: “You’re too sensitive; I was just being honest. What’s wrong with you?”
This is psychological warfare. They disguise their cruelty as honesty and then weaponize your reaction to claim emotional superiority. You end up questioning your emotional responses instead of their behavior. You tell yourself, “Oh, you are overreacting. Maybe you’re just too emotional, too sensitive, too difficult to handle. Maybe they’re right.”
And slowly, without realizing it, you abandon your emotional truth to be more tolerable to someone who enjoys watching you unravel. This lie is beyond dangerous because it teaches you to distrust your intuition, to view your sensitivity as a flaw instead of a signal. The more you suppress your reactions, the more control they gain.
It’s not honesty at all when someone uses the truth to humiliate you. It’s not clarity when someone uses facts to gut your spirit. That is verbal abuse dressed up as transparency, and when you accept it, you become complicit in your silencing.
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