Tool 2: Assertive Ownership Method
When someone uses dismissive or minimizing phrases against you, use the Assertive Ownership Method to protect yourself:
- Calmly and firmly say, “It’s my job to define my experience.”
- This asserts your autonomy over your feelings, sets a precedent that you won’t surrender your sense of self, and establishes a boundary for respectful communication.
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Catchphrase 3: Denial and Deflection Phrases
Have you ever been told, “I never said that,” when you clearly remember they did? This is the third type of catchphrase you’ll hear from a narcissist: denial and deflection phrases. For example:
- They might say, “I didn’t agree to that,” when you confront them about a broken commitment.
- They might say, “That’s not what I meant,” when you call them out on a hurtful comment.
- They might say, “Don’t be that way,” when you try to discuss why their behavior upsets you, diminishing your feelings and shifting the blame back onto you.
Narcissists live in a fantasy world and need you to not only be part of their fantasy but also agree with it. They lack a static or fully formed sense of self or a grounded perception of reality. To them, everything is fluid and can be bent to their will for their benefit.
These catchphrases mean your beliefs, feelings, or experiences don’t matter; what matters is their narrative, and they want it to win. It’s a deliberate tactic to get you to step into their fantasy world, leaving grounded reality behind, so they gain more control and keep you enslaved as their narcissistic supply.
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