Tool 3: Reality Check Method
When someone uses denial and deflection phrases against you, use the Reality Check Method to protect yourself:
- Calmly and firmly say, “I remember what happened.”
- This asserts your awareness of the actual situation, shows you won’t participate in their fantasy, and sets a clear boundary against their manipulation.
Catchphrase 4: Feigning Ignorance Phrases
Have you ever had someone act like they don’t understand what you’re saying, even though you’re being very clear? This is the fourth type of catchphrase you’ll hear from a narcissist: feigning ignorance phrases. For example:
- They might say, “I’m confused,” when you ask them to follow through on a promise.
- They might say, “I don’t understand what you mean,” when you give feedback about their work performance.
- They might play dumb or act like you’re not making sense when you try to set a boundary, hoping to exasperate you.
Narcissists use this tactic to undermine your confidence and make you doubt your communication skills. By pretending they don’t understand, they shift the focus from their behavior to your ability to explain yourself. They know exactly what you’re talking about, they just don’t like it.
They pretend not to understand, so you keep shoveling more time, attention, and energy in their direction. They want you to feel confused and question your clarity. It’s a deliberate tactic to make you doubt yourself and give them the upper hand.
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