Tool 4: Assert with Clarity Method
When someone uses feigning ignorance phrases against you, use the Assert with Clarity Method to protect yourself:
- Calmly and firmly say, “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”
- This asserts your confidence in your communication, sets a clear expectation for them to take responsibility, and prevents the conversation from being derailed by their tactic.
Catchphrase 5: Emotional Bondage Phrases
Has anyone ever told you they care about you, but in reality, they don’t seem to care at all? This is the fifth type of catchphrase you’ll hear from a narcissist: emotional bondage phrases. For example:
- After doing something hurtful, they might say, “You know I love you,” to make you feel guilty about questioning their actions.
- They might say, “I just want the best for you,” after causing a scene in front of your friends.
- When you share excitement about a possible promotion, they might say, “I’m just concerned about the stress load.”
The easiest way to decode these phrases is with the “spider love” reframe. Spiders love the fly, which is why they trap it in their web. Narcissists love you in the same way: just as a spider traps a fly to consume it, narcissists want to trap you and suck you dry.
They use these phrases to manipulate your understanding of love and care, making you feel guilty or unreasonable for questioning their intentions. They aim to strengthen the emotional bond to keep you trapped and compliant.
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