7 manipulative catch phrases narcissists use

Tool 5: Spider Love Reframe

When someone uses emotional bondage phrases against you, use the Spider Love Reframe to protect yourself:

When they say, “I love you,” mentally reframe it as, “I love the way you make me feel about myself.”
When they say, “I care about you,” reframe it as, “I care about how much you serve my needs.”
When they say, “I want what’s best for you,” reframe it as, “I want the best way to keep you stuck with me.”
When they say, “I’m concerned about you,” reframe it as, “I’m concerned that I’m losing control over you.”

By mentally reframing their emotional bondage, you can avoid getting drawn into their traps.

Have you ever been criticized for being bad at social skills, even though you’re a reasonably nice person? This is the sixth type of catchphrase you’ll hear from a narcissist: social shaming phrases. For example:

They might say, “You’re no fun,” when you don’t feel like going out to the club after a long day.
They might call you “antisocial” or “awkward” when you feel shy about attending a party where you don’t know many people.
They might label you a “homebody” or “hermit,” acting as if introversion is a character flaw.

This manipulation is about making you do the heavy lifting in socializing. Narcissists know they are awkward, no fun, and bad at social skills. They fear that if people knew them, they wouldn’t be liked.

Without you serving as their activity coordinator or social lubricant, they won’t be adored, admired, or praised, things they thrive on. They use these phrases to undermine your confidence and make you feel insecure about your social standing, controlling your actions to make you more compliant.

When someone uses social shaming phrases against you, use the Social Sovereignty Method to protect yourself:

Remind yourself that your social preferences, desires, and needs are valid. Nothing is wrong with you.
You are allowed to socialize or not socialize. It’s okay to prefer solitude or smaller groups. You have full permission to watch TV in your pajamas and stay home anytime you want.
If someone tries to weaponize this against you, calmly and firmly say, “I’m good with who I am,” even if you feel insecure or judged.

This method reinforces your self-confidence in your social choices and sets a boundary against their attempts to use you as their social coordinator. Stay firm in your confidence and independence to avoid being shamed or controlled.

Continue reading on the next page

Sharing Is Caring!