The Emperor’s New Clothes: A Family Example
Picture a family where a member suddenly stops coming home, and no one acknowledges it not even when it’s pointed out. This collective silence mirrors the fable of the emperor’s new clothes: an obvious truth is ignored, and the one who sees it feels irrational for noticing. This sin of omission whether from a direct abuser or complicit bystanders leaves nothing tangible to challenge, just empty despair that whispers, “It must be me.”
The Cultural Glorification of Silence
Society often praises stoicism the “stiff upper lip” as a virtue. We admire those who endure silently: “Her life fell apart, and she never missed a day of work,” or “He never shed a tear.” This ideal extends to others, demanding they suppress reactions to pain.
In dysfunctional systems, like families or workplaces, this manifests as cold indifference to a victim’s suffering, paired with an unspoken accusation: “How dare you feel?” Over time, this breeds learned helplessness why speak when no one listens? and collapses the victim’s sense of self.
A Historical Perspective
Nobel laureate and Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel famously said, “Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.” This rings true for survivors of abusive relationships, where the world’s refusal to take sides “It takes two to tango” emboldens the abuser and destabilizes the abused. The silence doesn’t just permit harm; it implicates the victim as complicit, deepening their shame.
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