Although relationships with Narcissists are toxic and emotionally and physically draining, some do stand the test of time. Especially those where a covert narcissist is involved.
Therefore, it would seem that the Narcissist has managed to find someone who is willing to tolerate their toxic behaviors. Because it is a fact that the Narcissist’s partner becomes their emotional punching bag but despite this, it may very well seem that they have found someone who is willing to endure and love them unconditionally.
So, for today’s topic, I want to get into a few of the main reasons why this happens. Or in other words, how are they able to keep someone for so long? When it comes to the Covert Narcissist there are a few things to consider:
Number 1: What Makes the Narcissist’s Partner so special?
The Narcissist clearly does not want to let go of their partner. Otherwise, it would have ended already. Narcissists keep people around who can serve a major purpose in their life. But don’t get it twisted, a long-lasting relationship with a Narcissist is not a compliment nor does it mean that the Narcissist actually loves you. It just means that you are useful to their image or their livelihood.
In many cases, the Narcissist is just happy to have a live-in maid or servant because that is exactly how they view their partners. So, their partner probably does a good job managing the home; cooking, cleaning Etc. managing the children or making a decent wage to support the Narcissist’s lifestyle. The reasons can be endless but in the Narcissist’s mind, they are happy to keep that individual in that role as long as possible. In order to make this happen the Narcissist has to play their cards just right.
Number 2: Love-bombing and Devaluing Cycles.
Because for this type of relationship to last as long as the Narcissist wants, they know they have to create a balance between their love-bombing and devaluing. They need to lie, cheat, manipulate, and abuse this person enough to satisfy their dark desires but then know how and when to draw them back in with sweet words and actions. Because the fact of the matter is that if the relationship is all bad there would be nothing for the other person to hold on to.
Therefore, there are seasons of highs and lows. There are seasons where the Narcissist intends on making that person feel like absolute scum but then would turn things around when it benefits them to do so. And as we know, any reminders of the love-bombing phase are bound to keep someone hoping that the Narcissist will be good and stay good once and for all. Because the love-bombing phase sets a foundation that causes the victim to have certain expectations as to what is true and what is not when it comes to the Narcissist.
And the abusive behavior that a Narcissist later display is not a true reflection of what our minds had concluded about them. So as a result, it is easier to dismiss or excuse their behavior hoping things will get back to what they were. And this is why the occasional love bombing is so important. It gives the victim hope that the person they fell in love with is still there. Therefore, they keep giving the Narcissist chances again, not realizing that they are caught up in a cycle of abuse.
Number 3: Not Knowing about Narcissists & Narcissism.
Another important factor that makes these long-lasting relationships possible is not knowing or accepting that people can be so twisted. There are still people who have no knowledge of this toxic, manipulative behavior. Or some people still do not realize that the person they have fallen in love with is a con or an imposter and that this imposter is not capable of reciprocating true love. Or that they do not really care about you as a healthy, normal person should.
Learning about Narcissists and narcissism can be a game changer. It definitely messes up the Narcissist’s game when their victim realizes what they are dealing with. Many people have broken free after decades of dealing with this madness but there are still people who do not know that this type of evil exists. So, they keep giving more of themselves hoping that their love or devotion will spark some positive change, but as we know Narcissist does not change narcissists. They see it as a pass to use and abuse you more.
Number 4: The Role of Codependency.
Codependent empathy and a Narcissist is a match made in heaven for the Narcissist. Codependency and empathy are two of the 3 traits that the Narcissist’s perfect partner would have. Because the chances of a Codependent leaving them because nearly impossible and as a result, the Narcissist is able to get away with a lot more abuse, even physical and verbal abuse.
And I mean even the Covert Narcissist. Because at the end of the day, the Narcissist will do whatever they can get away with. If they realize their partner is too afraid of them or too dependent on them to do anything about it, they will do it. The Covert Narcissist will be as evil or abusive as you allow them to be behind closed doors.
But to conclude, we can see that Narcissistic relationships can stand the test of time if certain things are in place. But a long-lasting relationship with a Narcissist is usually only for the benefit of the Narcissist and not their partner. For unless the victim realizes what they are dealing with and refuses to live the lie of a happy relationship any longer then that relationship will remain as long as the Narcissist wants it to.
They are very strategic at getting what they want and keeping what they want. To them it’s all a game, being able to control and manipulate people as they wish. They are also willing to keep people trapped in these abusive, health-deteriorating relationships as long as they possibly can.
They do not care if your years are wasted on them because that is exactly what they want. Your happiness is not something the Narcissist cares about. They only care about what you can do for them. And they are willing to keep you in that cycle of love-bombing and devaluation until they do not need you anymore.
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