Fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm. Some people confuse the negative emotions of fear and anger when it comes to the Narcissist. For example; Narcissist hates when we go to No Contact but they are not afraid if we do. As much as they don’t like it people are replaceable to Narcissists. So, they will hold it against you forever and continually seek to get revenge but it’s not a fear.
What they would fear is being alone.
Covert Narcissists are not Lone Rangers they need people around them. They need people to feed off of; they are highly dependent on others to support their False Image. Another big fear of the Covert Narcissist is the fear of failure. This is why they prefer to stick to things they know that they are good at.
It is important that they are successful and have something to show for their existence. Their success is rooted in qualifications, promotions, recognition for their monetary or physical contributions, etc. Narcissists hate when their victims escape their grasp and move on and heal but they are not afraid of it.
What they are afraid of is if that person tries to expose them.
Being exposed to the demonic, evil, backstabbing entities that they are is one of their biggest fears. We all know about the fake image or persona that they have created for the public in order to be liked, trusted, and even adored. We know they pretend to be Saints when they are not.
They pretend to be caring when they are not and so forth and so forth. A lot of work goes into creating and maintaining this fake persona and the Narcissist is very afraid of having the fake image exposed. They’ve worked too hard and too long and will wipe out anyone who wants to expose them and if they can’t they will run and hide instead.
They would move the country and start all over again if necessary. So yes, being exposed is way up there on the list of things that the Covert Narcissist is afraid of. But we shouldn’t confuse the things the Narcissist hates with what they are actually afraid of. They fear failure, exposure, being alone, etc. But it’s what’s at the root of all these is what they fear the most.
The Covert Narcissist’s biggest fear is Shame.
What is shame? Shame is a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. This is why the Narcissist tries very hard to deflect blame, to shun responsibility when things go wrong. Because if they had to accept that it brings shame. It brings an admission of doing something wrong.
The Narcissist doesn’t want to be attached or associated with anything or anyone that will bring shame upon them. As you see it’s a very painful feeling of humiliation one that the Narcissist can do without they already have enough shame that they try to hide on a daily basis. When they are alone the shame rises up but they suppress it by busy themselves.
Where does the fear of Shame come from?
Well, although Covert Narcissists present themselves as perfect and high and mighty they know that they are actually worthless, depraved, and insecure. They are ashamed of who they truly are. This shame is probably from their childhood, due to any abuse they may have encountered or the shame can just be from the feeling that their true self is not good enough. But the shame never goes away; it remains and actually contributes heavily to who they are as adults.
Covert Narcissists are afraid of Shame. This is the ultimate fear. Everything they do is to deflect any shame being put upon them. If a narcissist fails at something it brings shame. If they are exposed it brings shame. When they have left alone without anyone to compliment them and tell them how awesome they are, they are left with themselves and the dark, hurtful thoughts of being insignificant.
Everything that a Narcissist is afraid of, the underlying factor is the shame that’s attached to it. Narcissists do not allow themselves closure because if they decided to confront their past hurts and the shame associated with them, then they won’t be such tormented Souls. But instead, they suppress and try to hide it and prefer to spend their lives defending a false image that has no real connection to who they really are.
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